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What Does Support Look Like?

Misty Dunn, Sacramento, CA

“Support” looks and feels different to each individual.  Many people view it as the feeling that there is someone there with whom to consult, share creative ideas, questions and experiences.  It usually involves collaborative relationships, communication, and consultation.

Support may be seen differently depending on whether viewed from the person giving support or from the perspective of the person receiving it.   In actuality, it often has more to do with your “Learning Together Style.”  Marsha Conner, in her book, Learn More Now, has some excellent suggestions to help you determine how to find support from other people, and whether you learn best alone, in small groups or in large ones.  Basically, you need people to play different roles: sounding board, challenger, dialogue partner, role model, advisor, cheerleader, cohort, mentor, coach, and/or friend. 

Sometimes, the way information is given may be seen as support, or it may be viewed as mere suggestions (and therefore perceived as not having to be considered), or as being dictatorial (as being told, “This is what you must do”).  If something that is suggested is not wanted or agreed with, it may be seen as interference and the person as not being supportive. Sometimes the person giving support may not want to be seen as dictatorial and so offers information so gently as "suggestions" that the recipient may not realize that the information is important and/or helpful.

When someone is beginning a new role, support often includes ways to identify and clarify the roles and responsibilities of her job and of the people with whom she works, as well as ideas on how to set goals and develop a plan to accomplish them.  When we look at how individuals move through the stages of development within a new role, it’s apparent that different appearing and/or kinds of support would be needed at each stage.

Stages of Knowledge/Development: How each of us moves through any role in an organization.

1. When you start a new role, you’re unaware of what you know, of what you need to know, the language, the context, etc.  You don’t know what you don’t know. At the very beginning, you’re unaware and ineffective.  You may wonder, “Why am I here?”  “Why did I agree to do this?”  These are core questions.  Over time, we forget how it feels to be in this stage and so we don’t remember how to help others in Stage 1.   Some people in Stage 1 can extrapolate how it feels and remember from other times they were in Stage 1 to determine what questions they might need to ask.  Others don’t have a clue what they don’t know; they don’t know what they should be doing and don’t know who to ask.

One way to help someone through this stage is to show her what she   needs to do and know.  Don’t wait for her to ask; don’t expect her to know what she doesn’t know and who/how to ask!  Offer support that is nonjudgmental, proactive, and mentoring to help her through this stage.  Recognize that people may stay in Stage 1 for varied amounts of time.

2. As time goes on in the new role, you begin to know what you don’t know. You are aware that you are not yet efficient (“up to speed”) and you know who to ask for help.  At this stage, additional levels of support can be offered.  Now, the person offering support can tell her to ask if she needs any help.  Give active mentoring-- after showing her the first time, you can ask, “What do you think?”  She now has more information to answer after minimal instruction.  Offer information such as “This is one way you might do this...”  People may be very comfortable in this stage; they have no responsibility—they may stay here for years.  Support may mean to help them with reflection and to ask questions.

Stages 1 & 2 need more “hands-on,” specific, and frequent information. The learner may welcome someone telling her what it is she needs to do.  This lessens the new person’s apprehension of doing something wrong or missing something.  (A checklist may be helpful—it is less-directive, yet still lists needed details.)

3. You now know what you know – You are effective and aware of what you know as well as what you need to know.  However, you may not have confidence and may ask fundamental questions.  You may find yourself asking, “I think I understand, do you agree?”

The key is that you want confirmation and that’s the support that is most appreciated.

4. You know what you know.  You feel determinedly and emphatically in the know.  However, you may no longer be mindful of what you don’t know, and may wonder, “Why won’t you leave me alone?” if anyone offers suggestions.  Support here can be in the form of offering space and/or options.  You might be able to guide someone in Stage 4 to move on to other things. You can suggest that with effectiveness, one may also develop blind spots and you can suggest new questions, new learning.  She may be very comfortable and happy and not want to move out of this stage.  If she is not comfortable with ambiguity, she may want to stay here as she doesn’t want unknowns in her life.  Show her that there is a path to the next stage 4, and that the organization needs her to move so she won’t stagnate.  She may find ways to stay in Stage 4 for some things and move through Stages 1, 2, 3 with other things; or if she remembers the beginner stage, then you could have her mentor others.  She could move into a new box for some things or a whole new role.

After reading all the above, you may be wondering: What about distributed leadership—is support still offered?

Yes!  In distributed leadership, support—what is needed in the way of support and how it may be given, will probably look much the same.  The differences might be in where the support is found and from whom.

“Support persons” are there—the difference is that you usually don’t have to go to one specific person; you may find your own resources if you’d prefer.  What matters is that everyone who needs to know—those relevant and affected—are “in the loop,” and that the work gets done correctly.  For instance, as a Leader, you wouldn’t have to go to your DA to get approval for your Group flyer.  You could ask other people you trust—those who would have the "big picture" of what is needed to responsibly reflect LLL, Group Leaders to ensure that the address/local information is correct, as well as perhaps someone outside LLL to ensure that the flyer is understandable to someone new to La Leche League.

With distributed leadership, those offering support would more likely offer guidelines and suggestions rather than directives.  The phrasing would probably be less peremptory, for example saying, “You may want to try…” or “Many ADCs find this … , this … , or this … helpful” instead of saying, “Do it this way.”  A checklist may be offered so the person getting support could choose what specific areas of help she might get from her support person or what she might get from someone else.  Many Leaders and ADCs already find much of their support and information from network/department or Area e-lists, CN discussions, online resources, and/or other Leaders/ADCs interested in the same line of work.  No matter where she gets the support/resources/information, everyone will benefit if her support person is kept "in the loop" of what is going on in her line of work.  It is also to everyone’s advantage when both the person getting support and the one giving it are open about what is working or not working for them.